From....

Watching him through these eyes are painful to him more than I. seeing the shell crack, fragile as an egg becoming empty inside. A small hole that I have created is leaking out all his essence of life. Or is it I who is sucking it out of him?
Sitting their working hard to try to pretend, tapping on his key board that it is not painful to look at me. Folding my arms taking simple pleasure in being close seeing the torture, resting my chin upon them looking up at in admiration, not sure if I’m here to watch the death of his beauty fall into my gaze or a new birth of a man I see locked away. His light grows darker by the moment yet sweeter it leaves a taste on my soul lingering inside my memories I hold watering the mouth of a heart ache the evil hides within. Dying to have him look at me, with the sight once lighted by candles and shivering cold night air. Quick glance is all he gives now as I am a dangerous animal he slowly backs away from. Standing and walking out of the room passes by without a touch I receive, a cold chill rises from deep inside my stomach.
Escaping the pain I inflict so easily. A single thought rushes in twisting my insides. I am evil I am the demon. It lives within me. Fear hits my reality and I have to react it must die and with it shall I? Knowing I am going to be the one to slay this dragon, I stand alone in his office and leave the room. With a quick pace leaving him unknowing I drive off preparing my fate in mind side only. The plain begins. Without a good bye, is how I shall end?
Warm the water touches my face, gentle as his touch it streams down my back such as his finger tracing my outline, I cannot keep hurting him. With every blink his image torments me. “It’s all my entire fault” rings over and over so loud I can no longer hear the water falling to the cold white floor. Pain of guilt pulls my hands to my face, feeling this body I use for inflicting hurt and destruction, touches the cold walls of the shower mint to comfort and wash always today’s horror. Weak falling to the wet floor as salty tears mix into warmth, clutching I beg to stop “I don’t want to fight for you anymore!’I scream out echoing into water. “ Please I am done. Let me go. I beg of you! Let me go!” Fades into a single gasp of air. “Take me now I have not the strength to do it myself. Please.”
Trusting for no answer , Pain twist up my spin causing me to open my eyes and reach out. Seeing the light fade, harder to breath my chest pulls tighter up and down with such speed. Touching the curtain but feeling numb, nothing. Knowing the water is still warm as chills rise from its stroke, as if chasing something I can only fear from my own insides. Teasing me with the power to end this I smile in it taunt, welcoming the end. Fading into the darkness I fall back never feeling the hard tub’s rim padding my head. Thank you leaves my lips on a breath of sorrow.

He Says

“One promise” he says holding tightly to my body. That of a bird eying a predator to close for comfort, my heart pounds. Closing my eyes I do not want to hear what he has to whisper. The words are sharp with jagged edges tearing into my emotions. Soft his voice asking me to look at him, like my eyes are the gate keepers to believing his words, clutching my hands into fist, trying to cradle my head in his chest concentrating on the fast passing rise and fall, tears well up under my skin. “I do love you” he breaths into my ears. This I already know. Faint my heart stutters’, but this is not what hurts. He is so new at this. It’s his love that is hurting me. So much of him I’m falling for and with him just as deep if not deeper by now is what I fear. The kiss of death he has just spoken. What have I done is racing inside. The words are clawing at me to reach my breath. Faster my chest tries to hold it in short pace I’m grasping to keep control. Nearly at a panic my head is screaming. “Do not say it back! You’ll be lying!”An eternity is passing waging the battle inside. My torment. Clutching to not push my body away my eyes steel bars holding them shut my mind believing in not of the reality. “Not Real, Not Real Not Real” I scream at myself. Whit shaking harder than a tremble, my heart pounds my entire body in each beat forces his image throughout my mind. Breaking into tears I speak his doom I tell him the truth “I love you.” No, No, No, in every tear that rages out from my eyes. For a moment I feel not my own, but…… His tears lining up with mine. But why begins to hold for a moments question? What have you done are now screaming so loud my ears begin to ring from the inside out. My heart has now realized it truths, of what it has said out loud, not only to me but worse to him as well. Now both release the dangerous emotions that can very well kill one of us if not both by tomorrows end. The truth falls heavy this is the last time I will be here. With a slow calming my mind sets forth plains, to end this. Soft whispers my mind eases my heart and begins to explain the damage it has caused. Shaking my head to block out the sadistic humor my mind finds pleasuring in this moment, I fall under the guilt the heart now encased in and try only to capture every moment every detail of him that will stay in my memory forever. His taste, skin, lips freckles, will never fade away.